The Big Question

May 31, 2008

This big question comes up in everyone’s life at least once. I’m not talking about ‘Which SATC character are you?’, I’m talkin the BIG question. Marriage.

It seems there are three types of guys out there for marriage.

There’s the Wants-to-get-Married Guy – who inevitably wants to marry anyone he feels a connection with, will ask many times which also chases the girls away, and will end up with a girl who became infatuated with the idea of getting married. This guy often gets divorced because he usually ends up picking the wrong girl – ie. any girl. I’ve met a few of these guys, one really cute guy, who I’ve known for years and finally hooked up with once, who right after sex asked me to marry him. Now, had I been ultimately desperate, I would most likely had said yes. Pros – he’s good looking, has a car, dresses alright. Cons – he’s stupid, crazy, desperate. I mean, seriously, I never called him again, he kept calling for a month until he got the hint. He saw me a while later and told me how hurt he was because he thought I was the one – let me remind you, we went out on ONE date!

Then there’s the Practical-Relationship-to-Marriage Guy. You know this guy, and most likely he’s the male in the couple who’s been together for a while, then got married, the way life should be, traditionally. I may have met this guy in the past, but they’re so practical, so boring, so… predictable. I’m not a boring type of girl, I need excitement in my life. Many of my friends are married to this guy, who they’ve been with for over 5 years, they got married, are either pregnant, trying to be, or just content with their huge houses and pets (cats AND dogs). This is the safe guy, the one your mom wants you to be with, the one your dad most likely loves. I’m not with this guy.

Here’s my guy. Commitment-Phobic-Wants-To-Be-A-Bachelor-Guy. That’s a mouthful, ain’t it? Of course, have a conversation with this guy about marriage and a million things will come out of his mouth. Sure, he wants to get married – one day, sure he says. But weddings are a huge waste of money, think of the life you’ll be throwing away (the drinking, the partying, late nights with the guys), and he’ll eventually say that he’s just too young to get married – regardless of the fact that many of his friends his age or younger are married. This is my guy. He’ll get romantic occasionally, talking about marriage, a life together – but then it’s like the switch flips and he’s back to trying to be look like a player, a bachelor, despite the fact that he’s been living with his girlfriend for four years, and he’s also a father to a two-year-old.

I understand the whole not wanting to rush into anything, but it’s been 5 years. I can understand the whole we’re too young thing, but we’re not anymore. Then there’s the ‘we don’t want to wreck anything by changing anything’ – but my thinking is if we can’t survive one change then how strong is our relationship to begin with? If anything, changes make a relationship stronger, right?

You’ve probably guessed by now that I’m Wants-To-Get-Married Girl. I thoroughly admit it. I’ve been looking at bridal magazines since I’ve been 16. And it’s not that I want to get married tomorrow, I don’t even pressure him into it, I try not to bring it up too often because in the back of my mind I believe that it will happen. And when it does happen I think I know how I want it to be done. But then sometimes he’ll say something spiteful like ‘I never want to get married’, just to piss me off, and he does. I try not to let it show, but he knows.

I’m not even going to pull the ‘if you don’t pop the question by the end of the year we’re off’ threat, because for one, I wouldn’t want to force a guy into marriage (do you really think that’ll work out?), and two, he will most likely not regard this threat as anything scary because deep down he knows I won’t leave him. Who are we kidding? I’m not going to leave because he won’t marry me by a deadline.

Sometimes I think, maybe we won’t marry for a while. A long while. Maybe we’ll get married next year, but would it really be so bad if we don’t get married? Deep down I know I don’t NEED to get married. I know that. I think I just really want it. I want my day in a gorgeous ivory or blush pink gown, a magazine quality photospread, all my friends and family with me celebrating our love together.

I love love. I love being in love. I love romance. So really, a wedding, for me at least, would be a perfect ending and beginning for love.

By the way, there is another category of guys for marriage, there is the Got-Drunk-Got-Pregnant-Lost-Bet Guy who gets married and usually annuls it faster than you can say Britney Spears. But we won’t get into that.

I love love. I also love books. I started reading Why Men Marry Bitches, and it’s chockful of tips on how to get your man to marry you. And not in a The Rules-kind of way. It’s a way to change your behaviour, especially if your behaviour makes you look like a crazy, desperate, money-hungry girl – even if deep down you’re not her – you really don’t want your guy to think you’re like that.

So right down to it. I love love. I love weddings. And if being in love means waiting for that day, and waiting for him to pop the question, then I’m pretty sure I can wait.

Also, just in case you were wondering, I’m a Carrie.

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