Where’s My Easy Button?

June 17, 2008

I’m a few months shy of turning 25, I’m young, I’ve been in a long-term relationship for almost 5 years, I have a baby, and for some strange reason, lately everytime I’m asked if I’m engaged/married, I get a look and a ‘Aww, you poor thing.’ Why is it that if you’re 25 with a baby and a man, you are automatically supposed to be married?

25 is mid-twenties, the majority of my friends have recently finished a second degree in university, many of whom are in Europe backpacking and travelling. Some are single, some aren’t, many are still out clubbing it up every weekend, and the thought of marriage isn’t even in most of their minds. Yet, because I have a daughter and I’m with the father (I get asked everytime), it’s like people look at me and want to ask ‘What’s wrong with you?’

What’s wrong with me? I’m young. I’m not ready to be married – yet. Don’t get me wrong, I want to get married in the next couple of years sometime, but at the same time, I’m not desperate to be married tomorrow. Yet lately, I’ve been getting this panicky feeling.

A panic that’s been setting in for a few weeks now, and I don’t know what to do about it. Anytime I talk to my bf on the phone (who’s away for a week for work), somehow I bring marriage and weddings into the conversation, and I end up sounding like a desperate girl who needs to get married. And it’s frustrating to me as a girl who is SO not like that, it’s frustrating that I’m coming off this way.

Do I want to get married? Yes. Am I afraid my bf is going to leave me? No. Am I concerned that our relationship will dissapate? No. So what’s the big deal? What is this panic I’m feeling? Why am I letting people get to me like this?

I know I have a bit of control freak in me, and I probably just need the reassurance that I will one day get married.

But sometimes I feel I need to take a step back out of this bubble and tell myself that I’m not even 25, I’m going to get married one day when we’re both ready. I’m not ready. What is this whirlwind I’ve gotten caught up in?

Where’s the ‘easy’ button I can push to make this all blow over?

And what can I say to those stupid women who are all married/engaged and wondering where my ring is? One day I’ll think of something. Until then. xoxo

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