What Are Friends For?

June 29, 2008

Since the beginning of the year, I’ve had it in my head to bring together a bunch of girls for a dinner party. A semi-themed posh dinner party – no boys allowed. I had ideas in my head – a pink party or a white party with matching speciality drinks – dinner at a posh resto-lounge and dancing at a club in the vip section.

I mentioned it only to a couple of my girlfriends who said it sounded like a great idea, they were enthused and looking forward to it. So I made up invitations, I decided to do the pink party theme – everyone wearing pink and drinking pink martinis – and set it up for a weekend in May, so it wasn’t too cold and not too hot. I sent out the invites a month in advance, invites that were hot pink with black embossed printing – I knew a company who did them so they gave me a huge deal.

A week after my guest’s received the invites I still hadn’t heard anything from anybody. No RSVPs, no questions, no remarks. I’m a control freak by nature, and even though there were two more weeks to rsvp, I needed to know NOW.

So I started making some calls.

Tara made an excuse about her boyfriend and said she ‘would let me know’. Another girl claimed she was too pregnant to come. Fari was confused – was this a birthday party? was this an engagement party? did she have to bring gifts? why couldn’t her husband come?

It was really making my head spin.

So I sent out a cute little email, all in pink, about the idea of the party (as if the invitation didn’t spell it out clearly enough for everybody).


You are all invited to a Pink Party – dinner, drinks and dancing. You are requested to wear pink from head to toe! My loft 7 pm for cocktails, followed by food at One, and finishing the night in the VIP booth at Circa. I need to know by next Wednesday who’s coming to make final reservations.

This is a GIRL’s night out – no presents required, no men – just crazy fun like we all used to have – and if you’re pregnant come out to dinner – you still need to eat!!


Tuesday rolled around and I got a few phone calls. Girls were saying yes but whining about the dress code (I don’t wear pink, I don’t like pink, It makes me look fat, etc, etc), the restaurant (is it expensive? i’ve never been there before), and yes, even the club (why don’t we go where we always go?).

I really didn’t believe that it would be THIS difficult to get together a group of girls for no reason other to have fun and remember what life used to be before fiances, husbands, weddings, babies and houses – even if that wasn’t their specific order.

Was it possible that I was the only one who wanted to do this? We’ve all been talking about “doing something” for almost a year now! I was getting exhausted, what was wrong with them? What’s going through their heads? Should I just invite their boyfriends and make it a boring dinner party – NO! I need to save the girls!!

In the end, six out of twelve girls came out, and we had a smashing time. Drinking and dancing, getting hit on like there was no tomorrow. The next morning we all went out for breakfast with our boyfriends, but made them all sit grouped together while we carried on giggling about the night before.

Everyone came up to me and thanked me for taking the effort to do the party, and asking when the next one was going to be… which somehow made me think of a yellow party, but would that just be too much to ask?

Settling Down

June 4, 2008

It’s a windy day today, blowing around leaves and garden clippings, random pieces of garbage, and I watched them all swirl together in the middle of the street for the longest time. And then it just settled. I noticed the wind picked up almost a block down the street and more leaves and garbage swirled around. And then it settled again. And the wind was on its way to find something else.

It made me think of settling down in life, settling for what you can get or holding out for what you really want. Does the wind of life pick you up, swirl you around, then drops you and moves on to the next?

I know where I want to go. I know where I want to be. It’s the ‘how I’m going to get there’ that I haven’t quite figured out yet – and probably never will. I find planning and strategizing on how to get your dreams never pans out in the end anyway, things change, plans will change, but as long as the goal is a constant star on your horizon, I believe you will get there. Eventually. It’s bound to happen, right?

A lot of my friends are settling down around me. Getting married, having babies, buying houses – this is the progression of life, it’s what happens when you grow up. But why does it seem that does who have settled down get consumed by this life?  Everytime you talk to them it’s about weddings, babies, houses. There’s whole conversations I can’t have with these people because they will stare at me blankly until I am done, then go on to tell me something cute their dog has done.

My other group of friends are like the swirling wind, never stopping or slowing down, going from one party to the next, from one guy to another, and never ever touching the ground. They live this exciting life and they know everything that’s hot, what’s not, and what’s new before anyone else does. When I’m with these people I get wrapped up in their world, I forget about everything else in my life for a mere second and I start thinking and acting like them – but the second passes and my kid starts tugging on my shirt so I can colour with her.

I’m in between the settled and not settled.

I have found a boyfriend, I have a baby girl, I even have a dog (who’s more of an accessory than anything else), we’re moving into a cute loft downtown – and looking at this little list of things I’ve done, it certainly seems like I’ve settled down.

But I really haven’t.

My heart is still moving, we love to travel, we want to move everywhere and do everything – yet I live in the fear that one day I’m going to end up like all the rest of the ‘settled downs’, getting overly excited about dog and baby poop, and proclaiming my love for a new window cleaner at a cocktail party. Yes, this is the world of the settled’s. If you’ve never entered it, run while you still can.

When does your life and your interests cease to exist because you’ve created a new life with a family? Why does it happen to 8 out of 10 people it seems like? It’s almost a trap and because of this trap I understand why there’s so many commitment phobic beings running around this world. There is seemingly no happy medium that’s broadcast to these people.

It’s either:

a) Get married, have children, buy a house, have a pet, make dinner every night, go to work everyday, yardwork on sunday’s, bbq’s on saturdays, children’s birthday parties, et al.

b) Stay single, party every night, work if you have to, go shopping, go out to eat or don’t eat at all just drink!, travel, no responsibilities except making sure no one steals your shoes/purse, et al.

What about c?

c) Find the one you love, perhaps have his baby, maybe get a pet if you want one, find a home together, continue to date each other when you can, go to new restaurants, go to cocktail parties, go to fun events with the baby, continue to travel, continue to work, and just remain blissfully happy.

I choose C.